Hey, I Screwed Up With That Trader Joe’s Thing. OK?

November 30, 2009

I feel like a Catholic school boy caught smoking after trying some of the ultra-cheap wine at Trader Joe’s (be sure to read all the comments on that post).  First, the experience wasn’t all that great, and then there was the guilty aftermath.

Sure, the wine only costs 5 bucks a bottle, and sure, the first one I tried wasn’t bad.  But everything went downhill from there.  The OK wine was awful on day 2.  The white wines were completely undrinkable.  The Italian tasted like grape juice — without the fermentation.  And those were the best parts — I got completely slammed by some folks whose opinion I completely respect.

Ultimately, two different wine merchants pretty much nailed it on the head: Trader Joe’s sells the “fast food” of wine.  I’m going to quote an entire comment, because this reader really identified the issue:

$5 bottles of wine are like McDonald’s hamburgers or Applebee’s dinner – mass produced replicas designed and created in a lab specifically to taste like the real thing, and to taste the same the world over. The Applebee’s spinach dip in Seattle tastes the same as it does down the street in North Carolina. And there’s nothing wrong with that per se, it’s just not worth writing or reading about. It serves it’s purpose, but does little more than that. You don’t blog much about Applebee’s food because it’s not really worth discussing. I mean, you can get it cheap, but ultimately there’s not much to it beyond mass appeal and a low price. You blog about people like Ashley Christensen and not the line chefs at Applebee’s because there’s a story there, it’s worth telling, and it’s worth seeking out.

The same is true of good wine. Good wine is a product of a careful farmer working in collaboration with a gifted wine maker. There are stories worth telling, experiences worth seeking, and people worth meeting. You don’t have to spend a fortune, but it’s also unreasonable to expect decent wine at $5/bottle. Ashley doesn’t purchase her produce and meat by the metric ton and store it for months before hauling it out and reconstituting it. She’s very particular about what she uses, when she uses it, and where it came from. She’s no different than a gifted wine maker in that respect. The difference in resulting quality is evident to anyone who is interested in investigating, whether we’re talking about Ashley’s food or well made wine compared to the mass produced replicas you can get anywhere.

Here’s where I screwed up: I think of wine as a commodity.  Wine is still pretty much a mystery to me.  I enjoy drinking it, but again, my palate is unable to distinguish much other than body, acidity and fruit — oh, and sweetness, too.  Moreover, I don’t make wine nor do I hang out with the winemakers.  I just buy the stuff.  With restaurant food, I actually have some sense of what goes into it, because I’m a decent home cook.  And I hang out with chefs and other cooks.  And, hell, I’ve even “worked” in a couple of restaurants.  I understand that craft and style and how the care of a restaurant kitchen can translate to the plate.

I don’t see that with wine, and so I haven’t even thought about the issue.  Until now.  Yes, I still want to find cheap, tasty wine.  But I want a story with that wine.  I want to know what makes it distinctive. If I have to pay a few dollars more, then so be it.  And you know what, I suspect that wine will taste a hell of a lot better than that Trader Joe’s shit.


Confessions of a Trader Joe’s Wine Buyer

November 24, 2009

I like to drink wine, but of all the essential criteria for being a foodie or gastronome or epicure, I’m weakest on the wine side of things.  I’ve enjoyed some of the best of the “B” wines: Bordeaux, Burgundy, Barbaresco and Barolo.  I visit wine shops and buy my fair share.  I’m willing to follow the sommelier’s suggestions.

But at the end of the day, I’m not really sure that I can really distinguish a great wine from a good one.  Or a good one from a passable one.  I don’t taste tobacco and cranberries and leather in my wines.  I can distinguish some fruit, acidity, tannins, and the finish.  I’m particularly susceptible to tasting grassy flavors, as one of my dear friends has learned.

Ultimately, I’ve realized that I don’t need to buy $50 pinot noirs.  I don’t need to focus on that amazing malbec from Argentina, that’s a steal at $25.  I want a wine that cost me five bucks.

Hello, Trader Joe’s.

Trader Joe’s, home of the legendary Charles Shaw label (and affectionately referred to as “Two Buck Chuck”), has more wines priced less than $5 than any other place I know.  Yes, I’m sure most of it is swill (and I do not care for the Two Buck Chuck that actually costs three bucks), but I’ve decided to try some of their selections.

So yesterday, during my lunch hour, I headed to the new Trader Joe’s on Wake Forest Road and bought 16 bottles of wine, including the following:

  • Contadino Pinot Grigio — $4.49
  • Zarafa Sauvignon Blanc — $3.99
  • Chiusa Grande Tommolo Montepulciano D’Abruzzo — $5.99
  • Il Valore Sangiovese — $3.99
  • Epicuro Aglianico — $5.99
  • Vintjs Cabernet Sauvignon — $5.99
  • Hans Lang Rheingau Pinot Noir — $6.99
  • Blue Fin Pinot Noir — $3.99
  • La Granja Tempranillo — $3.99
  • Black Mountain Pinot Noir  – $6.99

I bought two bottles each of the first six wines listed above and one of the last four.  I paid a total of $89.26, including tax, for this wine, which represents an average price per bottle of $5.58 (or $5.18 before tax).  This is my kind of price point!

So I cracked open the La Granja Tempranillo last night, as I wanted to try one of the very cheap samples to see how bad they really could be.  And what the hell, it was actually decent.  No, it was better than decent, it was tasty.  It was a bit tight, but opened up pretty quickly.  It had a fair amount of fruit.  It went well with my pasta.  I actually said, “Wow!” when I sipped it, not because this was some kick-ass wine, but because it was a drinkable wine for FOUR FREAKING DOLLARS!!!

We’ve got friends coming for Thanksgiving, and I’ll not force my cheap wine on them, but for my wife and me, this may be just the way to go.  Will report back after guzzling some more of this swill.  Very tasty swill, at that.


Southern Folks and Southern Foodways

November 16, 2009
Ashley and Bill

Ashley Christensen, Bill Smith, and Smoked Chicken Wings

I’m sipping a cold beer on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon, lazing about on a screened-in porch in rural Mississippi.  The conversation goes from football to Brazilian forestry camps and then to food.  Ah, the conversation always gets back to food, and that’s because I’m surrounded by chefs, who I’ve learned, love to “talk shop” more than just about any other professional I know.  These chefs include three winners of the prestigious James Beard Award, one who was recently nominated, and another who will likely win in the next few years.  Chefs love to talk about food, and so do I, so I feel right at home on this early November day. Read the rest of this entry »


Busy Bee Beer Dinners — Not Your Standard Bar Food

November 11, 2009

BusyBeeIf you’ve been to Raleigh’s Busy Bee Cafe, you’ll find a fairly typical menu of sandwiches and salads.  Small plates and entrees.  They’re all good, and the bar is certainly well-stocked, but once a month, the kitchen — or rather, Chef Jeremy Clayman — really lets its hair down.  These beer dinners are when Clayman gets to experiment a bit.  Show his wild — or molecular gastronomy — side.

You may remember Clayman from his stint at The Mint, just a stone’s throw away from the Busy Bee.  Things didn’t work out so great between Clayman and the Mint owners, so he found another opportunity that on its face seems quite different from the fanciful food he was putting out at The Mint.  This was simple food, simply presented, in a restaurant where the bar probably is the most important feature of the space.  Was this a step down for Clayman?  Would he forget his wild child side?

Give me a frickin’ break.

About a month ago, I had the wonderful pleasure of experiencing one of these dinners, featuring special beers from Brooklyn Brewery, all in large bottle formats, a couple of which are not generally available to the public.  The beers were fantastic, but the food really blew us away.   Here, Clayman got to use his agar and his alginate.  His lecithin and isomalt.  But more importantly, he got to experiment with flavors and textures in a way that the general public around here hasn’t fully embraced.  Except for once a month at the Busy Bee.

The dinner started out slowly, with fairly tasteless shrimp served with a muscadine gel, but from there, thinks really took off.  Monkfish was juicy and tender, served with elements of tarragon and mint, all paired with sweet potato.  Veal flank had an interesting accompaniment of eggplant, banana and avocado.  With the Sorachi Ace, a beer made with Japanese hops, Clayman served a simple salad of arugula and raw kampachi.  Local lamb was perfect with maitake mushrooms, bacon and butternut squash.  And concluding the meal with a beet cake was brilliant.

I did not take notes, so my memory of some of the details of the meal has faded a bit, nor did I shoot any pictures, which is a damn shame, as the plating of these dishes were drop-dead gorgeous.  Sometimes, this type of cooking can get too wacked out, but the only mis-fire was due to a lack of flavor with the shrimp, rather than flavor combinations being off.  At $50 a person (including the beer pairings), plus tax and tip, this is one of the best deals in town.

To learn more about these fantastic dinners, be sure to subscribe to the Busy Bee’s newsletter and follow them on Twitter.  They sell out quickly, for obvious reasons.  And hopefully, Jeremy Clayman will be able to spread his wings a little more frequently than once a month.


Rules for the Front of the House

November 6, 2009

Bruce Buschel is opening a restaurant in the East End of Long Island, and although he’s never done this before — hey, I can relate — he has a bunch of rules for the front of the house.  Well, he actually has 100 Rules.  The first 50 rules are found here and the second 50 were published here.

Some folks have responded negatively, comparing Buschel to a slavemaster, calling him “Massa Bruce.”  The term “Nazi” has also been used.  However, most of the response has been favorable.  Very favorable.  And I love these rules.  Here are a few of my favorites.

5. Tables should be level without anyone asking. Fix it before guests are seated.

9. Do not recite the specials too fast or robotically or dramatically. It is not a soliloquy. This is not an audition.

32. Never touch a customer. No excuses. Do not do it. Do not brush them, move them, wipe them or dust them.

40. Never say, “Good choice,” implying that other choices are bad.

41. Saying, “No problem” is a problem. It has a tone of insincerity or sarcasm. “My pleasure” or “You’re welcome” will do.

51. If there is a service charge, alert your guests when you present the bill. It’s not a secret or a trick.

62. Do not fill the water glass every two minutes, or after each sip. You’ll make people nervous.

62(a). Do not let a glass sit empty for too long.

78. Do not ask, “Are you still working on that?” Dining is not work — until questions like this are asked.

88. Do not ask if a guest needs change. Just bring the change.

Remember, these are rules for Mr. Beschel’s restaurant, but I think they’re spot on for the most part (although I really think steaming off a wine label is above and beyond the call of duty).  What do you think?


Opening a Wine Bottle Without a Corkscrew

November 4, 2009

This is a video of a very intoxicated individual.  But a brilliant intoxicated individual.  I’ve never tried to open a wine bottle this way, but I want to now.  Please attempt this at your own risk.  The action begins around the 45 second mark.


My Return to Herons — Part 3

November 2, 2009

Herons Crew

(Note: This is the third and final part of a series describing my time spent working in the Herons’ kitchen.  Part 1 can be found here, and Part 2 is here.)

I knew that the chefs at Herons had taken it easy on me on the first day, giving me plenty to do, but simultaneously allowing me to see what goes on and to taste dishes as they were being put together.  I also knew that my second day might be a little different, as it was a big day – the biggest day for Herons since Chef Scott Crawford took over.  The Umstead Hotel and Spa was hosting a group of powerful CEOs from across the nation for a few days – we’re talking Fortune 100 companies.  I joked that if someone had dropped a bomb on the hotel that day, the US economy would be crippled.  No one thought that was funny, of course, as they knew that 35 of these heavy hitters would come into the dining room at one time and our job was to feed them as quickly as possible.

Even though the menu was going to be limited for these guests, they could order whatever they wanted if they truly chose to do so. Herons is all about taking care of the customer, even when the customer is wrong.  Yes, the customer can be wrong, but the customer gets what he or she wants. Read the rest of this entry »


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