When I made the decision that I wanted to try working in a restaurant, I knew that I was not cut out for the business. I’m too old, too fat, and too lazy. I have some decent skills, but what works at home probably doesn’t translate to the restaurant kitchen. Speed is king in the restaurant, so I’ve been told, but not at the expense of precision. So, you have to go fast and still do it right, eh? No problem. That’s the beauty of volunteering to cook in a restaurant, as the worst thing that can happen if you fuck things up is that they’ll ask you to leave. So really, it’s no pressure at all.
Well, when I wrote a couple weeks ago that I had never worked a minute in a restaurant, I stated the following:
I’m announcing today that I’m offering up my services to work the line in a real restaurant, to flip burgers, to prep for the day’s service. I got your brunoise right here, buddy. I’ll wait tables, wash dishes, or throw together a tasty mojito. Oh, I’ll screw it up, of course, and your customers may suffer, but I want to see how incompetent I’ll be. And how stupid I’ll look, as I don’t even have the right kind of shoes to work in a kitchen.
I thought I might get one or two offers, but I ended up getting 6 that represented 15 different establishments across the Triangle. And these didn’t include offers from chefs who have become pretty close friends over the years. And I didn’t accept one offer, I was stupid enough to do two.
So, where will I be working? My first adventure will be at Globe Restaurant and Bar on Glenwood Avenue. If you want to witness a train wreck, or avoid it, I’ll be working both lunch and dinner on Friday, August 28. Yes, that’s a Friday. Yes, that’s Restaurant Week. Yes, I’m completely insane. I’ll be in the kitchen, trying to stay out of the way of chefs Heath Holloman and Gray Modlin.
That would be crazy enough if I stopped there, but, NOOOOOO, I have to completely prove that I’m not fit for this business by working at Herons Restaurant in the ultra-swank Umstead Hotel. I’ll be plenty nervous working at Globe, but working the dinner service at Herons may make me break out the adult diapers. I’ll be in the kitchen on Tuesday and Wednesday, October 13th and 14th. I’ll be working the dinner service, so you’re safe for lunch. I was informed today that the Fall menu will be in place then, and knowing how talented chef Scott Crawford is, it’ll be a blast. And I’ll even get a uniform and apron! I’ll also do a front of the house shift after I complete my kitchen training, but we haven’t sorted out that date yet.
Honestly, I’m not at all nervous about this, as these will be fun experiences for me. Sure, I’ll screw up, but we’re all entering into this relationship with our eyes wide open. And I assure you that no one will let any of my mistakes end up on your plate.
So come and heckle me at Globe or Herons on those nights. Who knows, I just might do a decent job.
We have a fig tree, but it’s in a shaded area and doesn’t produce much fruit. My in-laws, however, make up for that, as their fig tree can produce over two pounds a day of harvestable figs. What to do with all that fruit? A fig pizza, of course. Read the rest of this entry »
I got my new pressure cooker yesterday, and I had to write something about it. Of course, I was tempted to use a clever title, such as “Under Pressure” or “Can I Handle the Pressure?” or some other idiotic play on words. I spared you from that horror.
But now I have this device, a 6 quart Manttra version that I got for 25 bucks. I wasn’t about to shell out the big bucks on something I don’t even know how to use, a device that could destroy the entire neighborhood if misused — OK, it could put my eye out at least. I’ve heard how a pressure cooker can cook brown rice in 15 minutes, not an hour. How potatoes can be read in 6 minutes. How it will make cheesecake and roasts and an entire Thanksgiving dinner without even trying. It’s the miracle tool.
Until my buddy Pableaux brought his Red Beans Road Show to the house last month, I’d never even seen a pressure cooker in action. But then I saw how quickly he could cook a pot of beans, and I started to lust for a pressure cooker of my own. And now it’s here, ready for action.
So tell me, how should I use it? Where’s the best website for pressure cooker cooking (and I hate that term, pressure cooker cooking)? I’m going to use this sumbitch, whether it kills me or not. And based on what I’ve heard, it just might indeed bring an early end to my cooking. Or be a revelation.
As I wrote last year, I host an interactive dinner party for my law firm each summer. The party has several purposes: first, it’s a party, and we’re supposed to have fun. Second, it’s what we call a “summer clerk event,” meaning that it is designed to allow us lawyers to interact socially with the handful of law students we have working for us over the summer. These students typically work at two different law firms during the summer before their final year of school, so you want to make sure they have a good time while learning about how the firm operates. This is the 10th time I’ve hosted this event for my firm, and the demand always exceeds my capacity of 30 seats.
The other thing that this dinner accomplishes is that it puts people in situations a bit different than at a cocktail party or at the office. I have everyone help with the meal in some capacity. Some folks prep. Others cook. And the ones with a good eye get to plate. The ones who don’t have much skill in the kitchen serve, clear, and clean. No different than in a restaurant, right? Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve eaten a fair amount of paella in my time, and frankly, I never really got the appeal. I mean it’s rice, protein and vegetables, all with a slight saffron flavor. It’s usually dry, insipid, and quite frankly, not worth the trouble to make. I’ve had two paella pans, or paellera (and correct my Spanish, please, as I’m probably using the singular form of the word instead of the plural), and I’ve done paella in the oven, but I never really enjoyed it.
This past weekend I ran some tests. First, I used duck fat to pop some popcorn. It was a noble experiment, with the duck fat adding a barely noticeable flavor to the corn, but it wasn’t life-altering (which was disappointing, as I currently have 8 pounds of duck fat in my fridge).
So then I tried popping the corn in some bacon grease that I had rendered from that morning’s breakfast. Again, the grease added a very subtle bacon flavor to the popcorn, but it wasn’t enough for me.
And then the proverbial light bulb went off. I melted some more of the bacon grease. I then ground up a slice of crispy bacon into a powder (a spice mill or coffee grinder works well here). I put the popcorn in a paper bag, poured the bacon fat over it, and shook it vigorously in the bag. I then added the bacon powder, shook it again, and ended up with exactly what I was seeking: popcorn that wasn’t soggy or heavy, but with a fair amount of bacon flavor. You could taste corn and bacon, which was the balance I was seeking, and I’ve now found a new snack for the Varmint household.
I’m not going to give you a recipe for this, as anybody knows how to make popcorn. But here are some tips.
First, render the bacon fat over low heat, and then strain it through a paper towel to get rid of the sediment that can burn.
Then be sure to cook your bacon until it is very crisp. I’ve heard that freezing the bacon can facilitate turning it into powder form.
Pop about a half cup of popcorn in 3-4 Tbsp. of filtered bacon grease. Don’t use high heat, as bacon fat has a fairly low smoke point.
Put the popcorn in a large paper grocery bag. Drizzle about 2-3 Tbsp. of melted, filtered bacon grease over the popcorn and shake vigorously to distribute the grease. Add the bacon powder and shake some more.
When I lived in Milwaukee back in the 90s, there was this one restaurant that my wife and I hit when we wanted something “different”, something Asian but not Chinese. The restaurant was the West Bank Cafe, and it was a French-Vietnamese place that had one dish that I always ordered: Spicy Catfish in Clay Pot. The catfish was surrounded with a rich, slightly sweet, dark sauce, loaded with umami and a touch of heat. I could never get enough of this dish, nor could I ever get it out of my head. Read the rest of this entry »
The fine folks at eGullet have initiated a new interactive project: spend a week cooking without going to the grocery store or market. And no, you can’t load up at Harris Teeter on Saturday just to start this project on Sunday. My friend Steven Shaw, the Executive Director of eGullet, hatched this plan, but he’s being reasonable, acknowledging some kids will get their lunches at school and there will be instances where you just have to get some fresh goods. So if you need eggs and milk, it’s OK to get them, but don’t shop for anything else. Just use the stuff in your freezer and your pantry.
It’s a pretty good concept, as during these tough economic times, it might make sense to do a “clean-up” of your inventory by cooking and eating it, thereby saving you money. I’d have troubles foregoing all the fresh fruit and veggies I eat, but it’s very doable.
Unfortunately, I won’t be participating in this venture, as I’ll be out of town a fair amount, but let me know if any of you decide to participate.
One of the things I like to do most Christmases is to make candied nuts. They’re so easy to do and everyone in my family loves them, I don’t know why I don’t make them more often. Hell, it’s gotten to the point where we always talk about “Dad’s Nuts,” and, well, the headline above clearly demonstrates where this can sink. My 14 year old son started actually walked into the dining room yesterday, carrying a bowl of nuts, asking his grandmother — HIS GRANDMOTHER, for chrissake, whether she wanted to taste his nuts. I think he’s still blushing over it, but it’s pretty damn funny. Almost as funny as the Schwetty Balls skit from SNL. Read the rest of this entry »
I’ve always been told by pastry chefs about the dangers of hot caramel, or “culinary napalm” in their lingo. I’ve been reminded time and time again to be careful of it landing on your skin. And I always have been, until last night.
I’m cooking dinner on Saturday for my wife’s co-workers, and this year, I decided to make a Mexican feast. For my dessert, I had planned on stealing a dish from my friend, Phoebe Lawless, who inspired me several years ago with her combination of pumpkin fritters, goat cheese ice cream, goat milk cajeta and spicy, candied pumpkin seeds. Folks, this was one of the best desserts I have ever eaten, and it was time to recreate the dish.
I planned on making the cajeta tomorrow, but being a realist who doesn’t have complete confidence of making caramel with canned goat milk, I needed a back-up plan: store-bought dulce de leche. C’mon, it’s a Mexican caramel. I only plan on using this if I screw up the cajeta.
So last night, I decided to taste the dulce de leche, warmed up, over some vanilla ice cream. I put some in a ramekin, popped it in the microwave for a minute, and pulled it out. Yeah, it was hot, but not terribly so. Until I decided to stir it up, whereupon it became volcanic, spattering all over the place, including my left thumb. Within 3 seconds, I had a major burn there. This was a burn that was worse than hot grease. Worse than grabbing the handle of a cast iron skillet that just got pulled from a hot oven (yup, did that a couple years ago). It’s remarkable how hot this stuff gets. I’m just glad that only a little of it ended up on my thumb, as otherwise, I wouldn’t be writing, and I sure wouldn’t be cooking. I can just imagine (and imagining is as close to it I want to get) what it would be like to have a lot of this on your skin. Not a pretty sight, indeed.
Grant Achatz, chef of Chicago’s Alinea, spends some time in the kitchen of his business partner, Nick Kokonas, showing how he would cook a Thanksgiving turkey. En sous vide. In a zip-lock bag, at that. With stuffing on the side — cooked in a bag, too. This is way too cool.
In the last few weeks, I’ve made apple crisp, a traditional apple pie, a sour cream streusel apple pie, and apple sauce. I’ve tried two different kinds of apple cake and tasted apple and brie crepes. Needless to say, my kids (and particularly my oldest, the 14 year old boy) love apple desserts. So I’m going to be looking to you, my faithful readers, to help me with some new apple desserts, as I’m looking at doing something different. I’ve made apple turnovers and puffy french apple pancakes. I’ve not made apple dumplings or a classic tart tatin.
If you’ve noticed I haven’t been posting a lot lately, it might be because my job has been keeping me away. Or it might be because I’m coaching two of my kids’ sports teams. Or I’m watching them play about 6-8 soccer matches a week. It might be because I’m focusing on my responsibilities as a board member of the Triangle’s largest provider of children’s mental health services.
It’s the end of summer, when tomatoes are everywhere. This is the time to make fresh pasta. Yeah, I know that it can be a royal pain in the bohunkus to make pasta, so you can buy some decent fresh stuff, but the reason for it is to make an uncooked tomato sauce to go with it. This is such a simple dish, but oh, so tasty!
Here’s what you do. Find the freshest tomatoes you can. You need about one medium-sized tomato per person, and make sure that sucker is ripe. It’s OK if it’s a bit over-ripe. Then chop it up to a medium dice — skin, seeds and all those lovely juices. Frankly, if the tomato is really ripe, you won’t really be able to dice it at all — it’ll just smush up. So, put all that tomato glory in a bowl, add some salt, a tablespoon or two of fruity extra virgin olive oil, one clove of freshly minced garlic, stir it up, and let sit for at least 15 minutes.
Cook the pasta that you’ve made. And no, I’m not going to tell you how to do that. Just cut it into a linguine style strand. You want it somewhat thin, but you don’t want angel hair, either.
While the pasta is cooking, which shouldn’t take much more than 2 or 3 minutes, chop up some fresh basil — several large leaves’ worth for each tomato. Stir those into the tomatoes.
Drain the pasta just when it’s done and dump the tomato mixture into the still hot pasta pot. Stir it around for a few seconds to warm it up a bit, then add the cooked pasta back to the pot. Stir it all up so the pasta is fully coated with the tomato juices and serve. You’ll want to get the pasta out first, and then spoon some tomato and juices on top.
All you need is a baguette to soak up the liquid heaven. A glass of wine works, too. After a few bites, you’ll be in a state of revery, which is what summer is all about.
My friend Debbie Moose is an expert on subjects as broad as deviled eggs and tailgating. She flat out knows Southern food, and I always enjoy chatting with her about all things culinary.
She has recently started to blog, and you’ll see why I enjoy her writing so much. She certainly loves her some heirloom tomatoes, but she can’t help herself from craving some bacon, lettuce and mayo to go with them. Attagirl! The blog is still in its infancy, and she’s only publishing once a week or so, but check it out. I think you’ll enjoy it.
My wife doesn’t eat red meat. If it’s got fins, feathers, or shells, that’s OK. If it has fur, no thanks. Yeah, it’s sad, but it forces me to be creative, and moreover, it really does make me eat a healthier diet. So even though I might want to break out the meat grinder and a chuck roast for a fresh, kick-ass burger, more often than not I’ll go to Whole Foods and buy their ground chicken thighs. The gold standard for a poultry burger is the turkey burger, but frankly, I think ground chicken thighs have more flavor than turkey. But not enough to make it a tasty burger.
I also don’t care much for those poultry burgers that add flavor with the addition of onions, garlic, worcestershire, feta and three different herbs. You’ve turned the damn thing into a burger salad, for god’s sake!
So I add two things to my ground chicken: some low-fat ricotta and some McCormick’s Seasoned Salt. That’s it. The ricotta adds some depth to the texture of the chicken, some juiciness, and just some overall balance. If it’s not there, the burger ends up not feeling right in your mouth when you eat it. The Seasoned Salt will probably be viewed as an abomination to some foodies, but frankly, I love the stuff in this burger (and on oven-roasted potatoes from time to time!).
You mix a pound of ground chicken thighs with about 1/4 cup ricotta and a teaspoon of the seasoned salt. Gently form 3 patties (wet your hands first, as this stuff really likes to stick to you). I usually fry up my chicken burgers in a dry non-stick skillet, as this stuff does like to stick (and my grill hasn’t been functional in quite some time). You don’t want too high of heat, as these suckers, unlike beef burgers, really need to be cooked all the way through. The burgers will brown and then just start to develop a slight char — that’s when you flip them.
It’s as simple as that. Is it healthier than a regular burger? Beats me, as that’s not why I eat them. Does it satisfy even my 14 year old? Yup, but he’d still like some bacon on that sucker!
Every year I host a dinner party for my law firm as a recruiting event for our summer associates. I first started doing this about 10 years, and it’s become an annual tradition. The concept of the party is to make it interactive, to get the guests cooking, plating and serving. I come up with a multi-course menu of Italian dishes (or at least Italian-inspired dishes) and pair each dish with an Italian wine. I buy all the food, prep it, do some preliminary cooking that might be needed, and then invite the guests to help with the final cooking and assembly. I’ve had them make ravioli, stuff arancini and stir risotto. They’ve made pizza, shaved truffles, and whipped cream. It’s turned out to be a ton of fun, because a summer clerk may end up working on a dish with the firm’s managing partner. I’m always surprised by who really wants to get their hands dirty in the kitchen.
Anyhow, I made the brilliant decision to host this year’s party on Saturday, just a week after I returned from a 2-week trip from Alaska — a week of catching up on the work that came in while I was gone. I just came up with the menu concept on Tuesday, and then bought the wines yesterday. I made it pretty simple on myself, as the two main courses involved dishes prepared in the oven. For a crowd of 30, that’s very helpful. Almost as helpful as renting all the dishes needed for these dinners.
The event is two days away, and I thought I’d share my menu with y’all (after the break). You’ll see that I kind of took the notion of specifying the origin of the ingredients a bit too far, as a sort of insider foodie joke. Read the rest of this entry »
I think the single greatest “convenience food” conceived of in the last several years is the boneless chicken thigh. We all know that thigh meat is so much more flavorful and juicy than the breasts, which are prone to dry out and have little flavor. However, mainstream America loves the ubiquitous breast because they’re easy, particularly when they’re of the boneless variety. It’s easier to eat a piece of meat when bones aren’t involved, and that goes double for thighs. For many (or even for most), it’s too much of a pain to eat a chicken thigh, as the meat to bone ratio isn’t all that great.
Then came the boneless thigh. Hallelujah!
Boneless chicken thighs are flavorful. They’re easy to use and eat. And they’re also damn cheap. Hell, even Whole Foods charges only $3.49 a pound for these, and they’re often on sale. If you buy in bulk at Sam’s Club or Costco, you can get them for less than two bucks a pound. I’m not sure if there’s any other meat that’s as cheap as this. Read the rest of this entry »
The only ice cream cookbook I have ever owned is the Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Ice Cream & Dessert Book. I think I got it as a Christmas present along with a Donvier ice cream maker, back in the late 80s, when Ben & Jerry’s was all that and more. And so I made ice cream — a buttload of it. Combined with my suddenly sedentary lifestyle, I’m blaming Ben and Jerry for much of my weight gain over the years. The bastards. Read the rest of this entry »
Posted by Varmint 
I got my new pressure cooker yesterday, and I had to write something about it. Of course, I was tempted to use a clever title, such as “Under Pressure” or “Can I Handle the Pressure?” or some other idiotic play on words. I spared you from that horror.
The fine folks at 
I’ve always been told by pastry chefs about the dangers of hot caramel, or “culinary napalm” in their lingo. I’ve been reminded time and time again to be careful of it landing on your skin. And I always have been, until last night.
It’s the end of summer, when tomatoes are everywhere. This is the time to make fresh pasta. Yeah, I know that it can be a royal pain in the bohunkus to make pasta, so you can buy some decent fresh stuff, but the reason for it is to make an uncooked tomato sauce to go with it. This is such a simple dish, but oh, so tasty!
My wife doesn’t eat red meat. If it’s got fins, feathers, or shells, that’s OK. If it has fur, no thanks. Yeah, it’s sad, but it forces me to be creative, and moreover, it really does make me eat a healthier diet. So even though I might want to break out the meat grinder and a chuck roast for a fresh, kick-ass burger, more often than not I’ll go to Whole Foods and buy their ground chicken thighs. The gold standard for a poultry burger is the turkey burger, but frankly, I think ground chicken thighs have more flavor than turkey. But not enough to make it a tasty burger.
